Im not sure where i left off last time but I'm going to take this a different direction. Sorry i need to rant.

Recent events have me racking my brain and sort of hurting mentally. People may not realize it but some of the things they do and say can hurt people. My current situation has already had my mind running 2000 miles a minute. Looking back on my past decisions in life as well as trying to figure out my future. I must say i have come a long way in the eyes of society in the past 3 years but i still look back and miss alot about who i was and what i was about.

Lets start with our current employment situations. I WAS working at Macy's part time on call and Brian got a job at a place called Nature Bake AKA Dave's Killer Bread. I had sent his resume to an ad on Craig's list for a tree trimmer/ general laborer. He got a response from a temp agency and turned out it was really a job interview for a Local Bread Factory Dave's Killer Bread. The lady at the temp agency seemed to take a liking to Brian and sent him on a second interview with the company.
                                     Here is a video of  The story behind Dave and his killer Bread.

Daves story is a pretty touching story.

Dave in turn Hires ex cons fresh out of prison to give them a second chance.

Everyone deserves a second chance in my opinion.

There are other videos from news reports where these ex cons or "people with a past" are called success stories.

I am still a little confused on the fact that these ex inmates who do what u are supposed to do like have a job and keep your nose clean are considered SUCCESS stories. 

What does that make you and me who have never been to prison, and struggle to survive in toady's society? 

Mice? Cattle? Nobodies?  Suckers?

Just for the record Brian is not an ex con nor has he ever done a minute in Prison he just got placed with this company thru the temp agency due to the fact that the company is expanding.

Dave's killer bread is by far the most amazing bread i have ever tried and since Brian gets to bring home free bread we have tons of it and could live off bread if need be.

Brian's hours royally suck. He starts work between 3-4am and works 5 days a week. I'm happy hes getting 40 hours a week. But he says working Line 1 rolling the bread and rolling it in the toppings as well as cleaning the pans and everything else is really working him and making him hurt. I think he said he has to roll a loaf every 3 seconds. He says the people he works with aren't exactly the type of people he wants to make friends with and every day you walk on egg shells cause the employee turn over rate is crazy cause they say they need a certain type of person for their team.  But hes grateful he has a full time job and only hopes he can advance in pay and maybe get better hours one day. Brian basically has no life anymore and has to go to bed at 6pm which sucks cause that is not possible for me. I also want to note that his job isnt as much fun as the video above makes it look. But Its a job. And I have to be grateful to him for having one and being  man enough to deal with the hours and The insanity of working at the bread factory.

I decided since his temp agency seemed to be booming with work that i would apply to them too, since Macy's paychecks were only $50-$100 a week which no one could live off. So they had the bright idea of trying to place me at Dave's too. i said that would be cool hoping to be put in the office and hoping i had hours that i could at least drive him and his bike to work at 2 am every day.

I went on my interview with the company and everything seemed to be good. i got a call later that day and they said i got the job but i would be working in the factory in the wrap department. they told me when orientation was. i went to orientation and got everything i needed to start including my 1st schedule.   I even got to meet Dave. During the Orientation the GM told Dave i used to work for music magazines as a photographer. he looked at me and asked why would i want to go from that to working at his factory, UM maybe i want full time stable employment that will allow me to stay in Portland and survive since work is hard to come by now a days.  After orientation i went to Macy's and gave my notice and they were pretty understanding. here i am thinking I'm finally going to have 40 hours on the books and we are going to be able to pay the bills and maybe afford food and to start rebuilding our savings which does not exist anymore. I spent the next two days spending time with friends and getting ready to work.

I started to get super nervous tho when i went to pick Brian up from work one day and some employees were outside smoking cigarettes i sat in my car waiting for him and the employees started cat calling me like they were on a prison yard still it made me feel uneasy. Turns out the GM had also pulled Brian aside that day telling him they will be zero tolerance with anyone cat calling me or making sexual comments towards me. Brain thanked the guy for looking out for me. We got home and then the temp agency called and told me i wasn't starting on Sunday anymore and that i should now report to work on Monday. I was like OK i guess, This has been a weird day. Monday rolled around and i then received a call  stating the job i was offered no longer exists! OMG really????? I just quit Macy's to join your company the "has so much work" NOW WHAT. I feel that since i am a little 1/2 way decent looking lady they didn't feel i could do the job. How do you do that to a person. Your company personally interviewed me and met me why couldn't you place me in the office or atleast give me a chance in the factory? Or maybe  You should have never offered me a job. Maybe im just not good enough to be a "success story". Either way The past is the past.  

Maybe im bitter. But i would like to add Daves Killer Bread is The Best Bread Ever and if you get a chance to try it you should. And Im still beyond grateful that they employed my husband and are still employing him. I hope they prove to be as amazing of a company as they say they are for him. He is a temp for 3 months with a review every week. After 3 months they say there is a chance for him to be hired on as perment with a raise and health bennifets. All of that would be nice and would make him really happy.

Unfortunately I do not know how to hold a grudge and figured maybe something better was meant for me. From there i got two interviews one for a photography company and another for screen printing. Now these are the types of jobs i would love. I went on my interviews and both seemed like jobs i would love. But in the end i didn't get either.

Alot of these jobs are telling me my reasoning for them not employing me is cause my resume does not show i am capable of long term employment...... Um have you seen today's economy? People take what employment they can get temp or seasonal just to make ends meet. But um what was 2 years at Xpress Gear 2 ? its not my fault they went out of business. and Tombstone Reball I worked there for a year. And um 6 Years as a music photographer for Skinnie Magazine and Bob Martin INC??? oh but most people don't read that far back on my resume they look at the last 3 Which is Basem & Mona Photography which i admit i should have never left in NJ but work was slowing down and NJ had nothing else work wise to offer us at that moment and we swore things would be better here in Portland. And then there is the mail room job. What part of seasonal Temp Do they not understand. Trust me if they had an opening after proxy season they would have kept me. And to my surprise they have an opening now but I'm 3000 miles away and in a

lease here in Portland.

I keep having people at job interviews ask me what assurance do they have that I'm going to stay in Portland. UM if you give me a job that makes it pretty sure I'm staying. If you don't give me a job i may be forced to crawl back to NJ with my tail between my legs.

They keep saying they think I'm a Transient. Um not I'm not. I am a nice lady who comes from a loving amazing Family. It may have taken me a while in life to 100% understand and appreciate how amazing my family really is but they are mine and i love them and they love me. I am married, I have a savings account, I have an apartment of my own, I have a paid off car. I spent 21 years of my life in NJ, I spent 6 years in California. Then only moved home cause my husbands grandparents needed someone to take care of them and i needed to collect myself and get back in touch with my family.

Everyone asks why did we leave.

#1 Brian's vision isn't good enough to get a license in NJ and mass transit isn't the cheapest nor easiest thing in NJ. 

Portland Has a Great and really affordable Mass Transit system. Portland is also the # 1 bike friendly city in the USA and super easy to get around. 

#2 The job market in NJ wasn't the best and i need a city with life and ART and a soul. 

That is really hard to find in NJ and NYC is too expensive and full of chaos. 

Portland is full of art, Heart, Soul, And in my opinion Opportunity. 

#3 Apartments in NJ run around $1200 for a 1 bedroom apt in a shitty part of town. Mean while min wage is only $7.35 ph in NJ.

Here in Portland we have a cute 1 bedroom bungalow apartment with most utilities paid for $710 and min wage here is $8.50 ph. which still isnt much after taxes but its better that NJ's min wage.

i can keep ranting for ever but eh who cares. 1/2 of you probably stopped reading already.

To say the least its been tough on me with lack of $$$ lots of time to dwell on things.

Lets Just say My next Blog is going to be a little  more empowering and a lot less bitching.

I never thought this move would be super easy but I didn't think there were going to be so many obstacles we would have to over come.

Here is hoping for a better tomorrow. I will take all this BS as a learning experience.

Right what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.

If only My awesome life experiences and lessons learned could get me a job.

Maybe one day i will meet someone who will like who i am and they will give me a chance at something.

Till then if you made it this far. Thanks for following this rant.

How can anyone afford anything on that.